?Lor, your response?

OH you guys can stay up sooooooo late - me two glasses of cheap red wine - and woowhooo

I always was a cheap date - and Gavix Gavix I pick because I love - you're the only guy here that I know of -

well except for maybe Towelie - got to pick sorry!

Sorry but we need to interrupt this post with this latest news update:

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All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CWC Cult and THANKS MILORD and DEBBIE (oh I mean elmooo) and ALL CULT MEMBERS EVERYWHERE!

Well, today seems to mark a milestone for the CWC cult members.  Celebration has erupted all over the world to mark this historic day of the cult’s one week anniversary!

Let us now travel back and briefly recap the week’s highlights:

Milord gained tremendous favor with His female and gay bear members by bestowing upon them the blessing of “Hey, Mama”. 

This simple yet brilliant statement had such power that the implications still vibrate across the globe!  Cult member Kelsey (not her real name) was immaculately impregnated 34 times and still more “miracle conceptions” are still being reported.

We also found out from Joss that “Flagholes” exist and that even Pervy can be flagged!

We saw what happens to sprinkles when they grow up!

We found out that being taped to a fake back-drop of Canada “is” priceless.

We learned from a bunny with disabilities that things are always looking up.

On a much more sinister level cult member consider the existence of Milord’s, Arch Nemesis Evil Twin the Sinister Kittynapper, while still others believe them to be one and the same.  This came after the disappearance of Taco, who strangely vanished from her owner’s steps.

Former cult member “Stupid Head” (not his real name, but was used to protect his identity) broke his month long silence and is concerned for the safety of cult members.

Meg proved that Evil does exist and is doing fine and living in Canada.

Here are just some of the unanswered questions that came up this week:

Gavix – U-Tube Super Star, Hamster killer or Fashion Trend Setter?

Is Milord’s Evil Twin “spreading” His Evil? Baby Towels Anyone?

Jail Bait, Sexy, or Tramadol?

Taco – Suki – Laura – Saudi Arabia – USA - what – who – where?

And lastly how much could Milord’s and The Virgin Mother Kelsey’s godlets fetch on eBay?

Oh, this week was a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, we laughed, we cried but most important we stuck together like a glued hamster on a chin! This family cult reminds me of one big old country song!  Thanks Milord!

Lor Blitzer – Signing off

?For the Jail Bait Sexy or Tramadol thing...40% sexy 60% tramadol.

-Headlines-
All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

CONTRACT TAKEN OUT ON REPORT!

As many of you may already know the cult stands on the edge of a full blown war and although cult member have assumed all responsibly for the possible conflict, cult member are still uncertain where Milord stands in this matter.

It has been brought to the attention of this reporter that a price has been taken out on my life by CWC “site member” and when I say life I mean the possibility that they may have the ability to ban any further corresponds. 

So this reporter with be laying low for the time being, but watch for hidden messages in my CWC posts from now on, example:

“WOW cute kitty – I like kitties.”  Might just mean Kelsey has given birth! Or

“I like puppies!”  Could just mean that NO NAME got her soup and still yet,

“Oh, Chris I love your show!” Just might be informing you of a new topic from Debbie!

Signing off “for now” –  Lor Blitzer

THIS JUST IN!


-Headlines-

All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE: Hey this kitty is cute! (hidden message for culty's)

This reporter has been inundated with a wave of confessions on the magnitude of Rush Limba (sp) confessing to taking “doctor prescribed” drugs, Clinton finally confessing to “having sexual relations with that girl”, or the biggy Gavix confessing “I’m not mad, I’m not that big of a U-tube super star anyway!”! YA it’s that big!

This reporter has inside information that a full blown addiction to CWC is sweeping through the cult.  CWC “site members” seem baffled by the cult’s seemingly endless fascination with Milord and all that is cuteness. 

Mark “Site Member” and yes his real name was quoted as saying “…some people post way too often.” And hvac (his real name we think not) backed Mark up with a vengeance not seen often on CWC.  Even after cult member explained why “some people post way too often” site member chose to stick closely to the shows original script “Cuteness”!

Cult member wonder are site member’s really robots, but that is a question for another time and place!

Cult members have seemed to enrage “site members” enough to almost get kicked off the CWC site!  This reporter has received numerous threats of removal from the site.  So, we at the new desk are trying to keep a low profile – trying being the key word here – sorry having to much fun!

Most cult member regret there acts of anger and many members have stated feeling like Adam and Eve after that ever famous bite.  One cult member was quoted as saying “Yes, I feel I could have upset Milord that much and now I’m hiding in the Hang Garden of Eden!  

Most cult member seem to have come to terms with the past and have worked through the whole awful mess, but this reporter is wondering should someone somewhere make some effort to offer help to those cult members in crisis?

Perhaps a “Chrisaholics” hotline or a New Topic Site “Crazy with Chris?!  Just a thought Grandpoopaw Debbie – I mean elmooo – sorry Debbie – I mean elmoo!

 

Signing off - Lor Blitzer

 Hehe! That should be our name - Crazy with Chris!

have you actually had threats to remove you from CWC????

Oh KB it's a crazy mixed up world but ya - juleiana said I HATE THESE UPDATES - STOP!

That is as close as I want to get !

SHUN THE NON BELIVERS!!!!!


SSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like grandpoopaw!

THIS JUST IN!


-Headlines-

All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

BAILEY – Emmy, Oscar or Big Bird!

This reporter has obtained an exclusive interview with the now “world” famous Bailey the wonder cat, but first let us take you back to when “it” all started.

Some years ago a sweet warm hearted kitty was welcomed into cult member Debbie’s home and it’s been a bang of a time ever since!  Cult member Debbie, better known as elmoo, told us at CWC news that Bailey started “acting” at a very young age and has never really stopped.  This is the reason they believe Bailey is so good at “acting”.

Cult member Debbie, “Oh, he’s really doing it.  That’s a daily thing around here made it real easy to get the picture.”

We where told from sources closest to the family that at first little Madison would point and cry.  Little Madison and now Wyatt, one of the newest cult members, just go on playing like nothing remarkable is even taking place just a few feet from them.

Cult member Debbie gave a little laugh while being quoted “Yes at first I was concerned that the kids would learn too much too soon and I wasn’t really sure what to do the “victims” after rehearsals, but I knew Bailey was destine for greatness, so what else could I do!”

Bailey the cat quoted here in an all exclusive first interview, “meow”.

Signing off - Lor Blitzer remarkable

 

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All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

POW - TO THE MOON !

The victory that was Bailey seems to have been a short lived triumph for Cult members worldwide! 

With the horrors that were Meg this fresh in the minds of Cult members and Site members alike this new threat seems to have forced the gates of hell open just inches closer to a full blown calamity! (Calamity makes me laugh)

We at the CWC News desk have received unconfirmed reports that Evil Twin may be joining forces with the wickedness that is “Sheep of Doom”! 

While Cult members still push for Milord to overthrow Texas and create a new Cute Nation, site member seem to be oblivious to the growing dangers, opting to robotically repeat the same sentiments “…Cute Kitty…I like puppies…good show Chris…”.

Milord’s cool indifference has some Cult member concerned.

CWC News went to the streets and asked Cult and Site members their options:

Cult member Quotagirl, “…about my lil Nala laser kitty – she’s my best friend!!! She’ll surely help us!”

Cult member NO NAME nazi,  “?All men are evil...EXEPT for Milord, The Jackass crew, HIM, The 69 Eyes, Jeoff from ace of cakes, TAPS...*babbles on*” “Where am I?”

Site member Joss, “Flagholes!” CWC News is not exactly sure who Joss is referring to.

Cult member Kelsey, “CWC will be broadcasting from the moon on the new moon colonies that completely populated by perpetual kittens, puppies, and plastic horses, oh and Chris.  We, cult, will be orbiting the moon in a spacecraft, constantly monitoring Chris’ every move.” This statement from a very “impregnated 34 times by Milord” Virgin Kelsey, which may or may not explain her account.

Cult member KB, “I like the idea of Chris and Colty taking on the celebrity lifestyle of sex, drugs and rock and roll.”

Site member Juliana, “I hate these stupid updates, all I know is kitties and puppies are cute.”

Cult member VV, graduate of the University of the Starship Enterprise, “…the trouble with Tribbles is that there are just to dang many of them!”

 Cult members Lor and Deb echoed the same sentiments, “…tie then up, stick them in a port-a-potty, and then roll then down a hill that ends with a river…NO NAME you’re a genius!

 This reporter thinks that everyone should just calm down and practice a little “self gratification” today and we will worry about things tomorrow!

Signing off “for now” –  Lor Blitzer

 Self gratification eh? Just what are you suggesting?

I love these updates, even if Juliana doesn't! Did you write for your school paper or something?

KB we've decided S G Day can be anything you want it to be!

and no I didn't write for my school - Debbie found me!

 I was high as a bloody kite most of the time in school nothing I wrote made much sense!

Well - kinda like now!

WINNER of the Cults BEST VIDEO OF THE MILLENNIA

 

OVER ONE BILLION TOP CRITICS AGREE…

 

(well Lor, Debbie, KB, maybe Gavix and all 999,999,996.00 members we are sure will agree)

 

“ONE OF THE YEAR’S BEST VIDEO’S!”

 

This is one of the most exciting outstanding video events since, “GAVIX vs. EGG”, from acclaimed writer and director Kelsey and has earned her one trillion Cult award nomitations including Best Video, Best Director, Best Writer, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress!

 

Kelsey stars in this epic tale of heart felt remorse and one woman’s need to survive Milord’s enragement.  Immaculately impregnated with 34 of His “Hey Mama” god seeds Kelsey struggles to understand her Lord’s indifference. As waves of posts usher forth to Milorld’s site and viewer population swells, lawlessness and corruption thrive amongst viewer comments.

 

After days of being banned from Milord’s site young Kelsey, from across the pond, returns seeking forgiveness in this heart wrenching superb acting viewers are entranced and pulled into Kelsey’s pain.

 

One viewer commented “It’s like she isn’t even acting, like it is real, I felt her pain, felt like it was my pain...”

 

As days pass Kelsey shares some of her most painful memories of self-discovery and ultimately teaches us to open our hearts and not be afraid to ask forgiveness.

 

Filmed entirely on location across the pond and in her home, this lavish production vividly brings to life one of the world’s soon to be classics!

 

Video Critic – Lor Blitzer

 

?Lol! Lor that sounds like a real movie discription!

THIS JUST IN!

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All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

We at the CWC News desk have decided to take advantage of the deep eerie quietness that has  followed Monday’s “not show” from Milord, to go back into archival storage for this next update.

Several days ago this reporter received an anonymously signed tip.  The contents of this tip both astounded and frightened this seasoned reporter!  

 

I must warn you what you are about to read may be offensive, you may want small children to leave the room, and if you have a heart condition please, DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE.

 

The following is the tip, in its entirety as was sent to the News Room:

 

I have a news story for you. My mom hates CWC. I mean HATES it. She thinks it's "stupid" *SCOFF!*

This simple statement was more then/than (could someone help me with that please) this reporter could handle at the time, with all the terrible evil that seemed to have settled over the Cult, this reporter chose to pile all her unpaid bills on the tip and hope to forget about it, but forget I could not.

I mean how could anyone “HATE” CWC.  I can understand words like obsession, all consuming, fixation, fascination, mania, desire, craze, passion, absorbing, attraction, enticed, tempted, ensnared, drawn in, addiction, compulsion, need, dependence, infatuation, craving, allure, interest, appeal, enthrallment, captivating, enchanting, beguile, hypnotizing, enraptured, wooed, put under a spell, captivated, blessed, impregnated, touched by the hand of GOD…and well possibly even annoyance, but HATE, I just couldn’t get it out of my mind.

This reporter spent many a sleepless nightmare filled nights “…mom hates CWC…toss…thinks it’s stupid…toss…HATES it…toss…HATES…toss…”  Images raced though my mind of fat, very hairy, middle aged men, in only a dirty white tank top tee and boxers that said “home of the whopper”, sitting at their computers smoking short fat cigars and entering sweet names like: VV, elmooo, Kelsey, KB, Lyanne, Gavix (well that was real and not a dream), NO NAME and all the other wonderful people I’ve come to know…..and laughing… Oh the horrible laughter!

When this reporter woke screaming “NNNNNNOOOOOOO the Cult thinks poo is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!” I knew it had to be a false lead and that all was still good in the world!

I will never know for sure if the tip that was true or just someone’s idea of a cruel joke, but “Mom If you’re out there and are real this reporter begs you to give us another try!

We will keep you updated on this fast breaking story as we get more information!

Signing off - Lor Blitzer

 Someone at work today suggested that you might all be dirty old men 'grooming' me... I suggested I was out of the typical grooming age range and I didn't care if you were all dirty old men because it's so much fun! And she, and many others, suggest that I'm spending too much time here... I have no words. Except, what do they know, they don't even like pets!

looks like you made it to the Culty ad lor

I NEED NEWS!!!!  What's on tap for today?

-Headlines-
All the News for all that's Cute

CWC NEWS UPDATE

CULT MEMBERSHIP EXPLODING - WILL IT ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN!

With CWC membership at an all time high some cult members wonder if the sudden increase could be the cause of some resent strange events.

Paranoia is at an all time high with whispers of FBI, KGB, and Canadian Mafia infiltrating the Cult’s Culty site.  Not to mention stinky, hairy, fat, middle aged men in dirty underwear, smoking short fat cigars and thinking nasty thoughts about true Cult members.

There has been reports of strange hidden messages that seem to be showing up in Cult members toy boxes that you fill with water (better known as showers for Cult members with no kids – remember this one VV).

One cult member reports having Kelsey’s name hysterically (spell check changed this for miss-spelled mysteriously to hysterically and I like that better!) appear on one of her shampoo bottles and in a black Sharpie no less.

Cult member Lor, “I think it is either one of 3 things…1. A hidden message to Kelsey to show!  2. A hidden message for Kelsey NOT to shower, because Milord’s Evil Twin is disguised as his Mom and is going to try and kill her! Or 3. On the last school trip my girls mixed up shampoo bottles?”  “I for one think this is the work of Evil Twin or maybe Kelsey’s just particularly stinky today, it’s anyone guess at this point!”

Cult member Deb, “Ok, I just got out of my shower. It really is kinda nice in there. Who knew?  Anyway.....no shampoo note, BUT, there was a giant scuzzy hair ball in the corner, and one very small  sliver of what I'm sure use to be a bar of soap. I'm not sure what it means.  Looking at that giant hair ball tho. I'm quite certain it has SOMETHING to do with the evil twin.  Either that or it just means I need to get my ass away from the computer, clean the shower, and buy more soap.  Nah....Evil Twin!”

 

 Will there be no end to this madness and terror that is Evil Twin, will membership get so large we forget who we are or will Milord step in and save the day with a real show on Monday!

 

Lor Blitzer – Signing off

 

WooHoo! I got my news fix. I'm so happy. And I was quoted. My day is good. Also I have noticed I don't have flies buzzing around my head today. Could this be the result of that "shower" thing?

Nah...I think M'lord is stepping in.  MY day is saved!

love your news Lor Blitzer!! :D still waiting for that ear wax soup though :| hehe!!

Ok LOST is over I'll post receipt tomorrow?

...hey everyone ...my girlfriend just dumped me...

?Awwwwwww! Who are you guest?